Post Walkathon :)

Alright... well, I'm tired today. I won't lie. Tonya and I got about 2 hours of sleep before jumping into my van at 2AM and driving 5 hours to the Philadelphia walkathon for Angelman Syndrome. It was a WONDERFUL ride, hardly any traffic, and the walkathon was great! I just wish I had more energy AFTER the 3.1 mile walk to enjoy it! I wore flip flops, jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt with the Angelman t-shirt over it and boy, WAS I FUCKING HOT. And not the "hot" sexy type. The "hot" as in, HOLY SHIT I'M ON FIRE. Pouring sweat off my forehead! What a workout pushing Andrea in the stroller! Luckily, Tonya took over at least 1/2 the walk with pushing... I don't know what I would have done without her! :) Since now that I'm in ketosis (it has been confirmed!) I'm doing the atkins. After the walk, I felt exhausted and I knew my body was telling me to eat. So I ate a hot dog! Still Atkins safe ;)

Well, I got home last night, and jumped on the scale- 198.8! YIPPEEEEE! I fell below 200!!

No, it gets BETTER. Here it is, Sunday... and look at the scale NOW!

197.2 at 2pm! :)
it's WORKING!!

I didn't make my May 14th goal of 196, sadly. But that goal was based on starting at 205/6! I had to readjust EVERYTHING as soon as the new scale came in, and broke my heart :(

BUT do not fret! I am currently very thrilled with this progress. I started out at 215, and it has been 19 days, and I've had almost 18 pounds lost! On Tuesday, before I started my fast, I was 206.8, and 5 days later, I am 197.2. That is almost 2 pds a DAY. And it's not just water weight; I am seeing a difference in the way my clothes fit!

So yes... I might not meet my 170 goal. But progress is progress, and I am happy my body found a way that it likes to lose weight without myself feeling too deprived. No real counting calories, just following atkins :)

and... I still have 7 MORE WEEKS OF THIS! I'm hoping to meet my original goal, if not surpass it!

ONWARD HO!

Day 3 of fasting COMPLETED

Okay, folks!! I DID IT!! I have officially finished my 3 day fast. Now, I would LOVE to continue to finish a seven day, but it's hard to function with my body lacking carbs right now. So I've done a bit more researching, and decided to do what is called "Intermittent fasting". Basically, I'm going to try a schedule of 1 day eating, 1 day fasting. The days I eat will follow the Atkin's diet rules, so I'll stay in this low carb, fat burning mode even on the days I eat. I'm going to pick up the Ketosis test strips to see if i'm in that stage yet (ketosis: when your body doesn't have enough glucogen in reserves to keep up energy, and turns to your fat reserves for its nutrition.)

But, here's a picture of the scale this morning!

When I first woke up, it read 200.8 but when I went back in 15 minutes later it said 201 LOL. So I could only get a picture of the 201! But hell, I'll take it!

Today's schedule? Pick up the ketosis test strips; if I'm not in ketosis yet, I will fast another day longer and then pursue the atkins diet. Get ready to go to my daughter's Angelman Walkathon with Tonya :) Burn some more calories tomorrow doing the walk!

My diet started May 3rd. I'm not exactly sure WHAT my true weight was when I started this! I'm going to say 215'ish. This puts my weight loss total since the start of my diet to:
14-15 POUNDS! In 16-17 days!

Almost turns out to be a pound a day, and if I'm really off again, it probably IS a pound a day!

MOTIVATION! Now onto my intermittent fasting schedule!

HOLY CRAP!!

Everyone, I am NOT even joking about this. This morning I took a picture of myself in my summer swim trunks and tank tops (NSFW or the faint at heart, by the way) and they were HORRIFIC. Anyway, remove that god awful image from your minds. I also took a picture of my scale. I moved it to 3 different places to ensure it's accuracy, and it came back with the same weight. This was taken 10am this morning. Here- Enjoy my pain.

206.8 (tears rolling down my face)

This evening, for shits and giggles, I decided to weigh myself again. NOW, anyone that has dieted or done anything like this, realizes that you actually put ON weight during the day, and it never helps to weigh yourself except in the morning. At least, that was always MY problem. Well, this is what I saw:

204 BITCHES!!

I've NEVER lost weight during the day like this. I moved it 500 different spots in my bathroom, and a couple of the readings came up 203.8! But I will stick with 204 LOL! I know a lot could just be water weight, but I've never had a swing SO HUGE as 3 pds within 10 hours!

I know I have a far ways to go, but man... this is SATISFACTION in the making!

A new dawn, a new day

Now, for all my friends on here, I want to broach a subject that not many agree with. If you don't agree, that's awesome! Just no haters!

I have been researching water fasting. Yes, when you basically live on water and let your body consume it's fat sources. It has great health benefits, as well as the lovely side effect of weight loss.

I had a shocking, and life altering moment yesterday. I knew my scale was off, so I bought a new one. I figured, why diet if I can't even see the proper progress? So I buy one. I weigh myself on my old one, 198. I weigh myself on the new one? 207! YES! My scale was off by 9 FUCKING POUNDS. Well, after a terrific breakdown and sobfest, I realized that I started out actually at 213. And I HAD IT. 2 weeks, and I feel like nothing's happened. I feel resigned. Then, I felt... EMPOWERED. I felt like there was something out there, for me, that I had to try. That special area no one likes to think about... fasting. Not starvation, but fasting.

Basically, people believe that fasting IS starvation. But it's not. Years upon millions of years, our bodies as humans developed that lovely side effect of holding onto those extra calories we now know as FAT. Our bodies just never knew when food would become unavailable! So, we'd hold onto these fat reserves, until a period of food drought appeared. And miraculously, thru evolution, we could survive LONG periods of famine, right off of our fat reserves! With proper hydration, our bodies under the right conditions, could go 100 days or longer without food! Your body at first will reach into your liver for glycogen (sugar, like from starch) and after a day, when that has depleted, it'll go to the only source left: fat. Now, many say it attacks your muscles. But keeping up at least the normal exercise routine you use (light exercise) that will not happen. Your muscles will be one of the last sources, during starvation...

When you starve yourself, it is when you have depleted your fat stores and your body can no longer function without food. You WILL die. When you fast, you use your body's fat stores to create energy, to cleanse yourself from toxins built within the fat, and many other health benefits like lower blood pressure.

Well, ladies... I'm going to do it! I am going to start fasting. Water, water and more water with a side of water. I'm sick of food, I don't even want to look at it. There comes a time when I say it's ENOUGH.

Today is my first day. I started 9am this morning. I have been drinking water nonstop! I have hunger pains, nothing too extreme that I can't handle yet. I know the worst is to come. I will do 7 days if I can make it, but anything beyond 3 is a plus! After 7 days, I will ease myself back into eating with watermelon and easy, nutritious, foods. Then, after 3 days of food, I will continue the fast another 7 days.

This is scary to some, and downright dangerous to others. But if you need validation, I can cite many MANY health articles, including the New England Journal of Medicine, that actually say fasting is very good for you, and that they condone it. Your body is not meant to have all this extra fat on it. Some, yes. But I'm considered very obese at this weight. More so than I care to admit. But something yesterday really opened my eyes when I saw that scale, and realized how far I have to go, and the power food has over me.

I'd like this fasting to be almost a divorce from food. I want to show food that it doesn't hold power over me! I DON'T NEED YOUR SHIT, FOOD. My body is capable of this. My body is capable of not loving you anymore. I've broken bad habits for the last two weeks- eating in the middle of the night, cutting back, and I've even learned that water isn't so bad. Water is your friend.

Water, is what is going to get me thru this. So please, if you think this is bad, don't continue to follow this blog. I love you all, and I would understand if it's too much. Just no haters! I feel confident this will work. I will be updating my side effects, right now being just tired and "not with it". It hasn't even been that long! But I KNOW, I KNOW, I need to kick food in the ass and stop realizing what a crutch it is.

Good bye, food. Hello to my health and willpower! I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!

Water sucks ass, the scale is scary, and dancing is FUN!

Water is gross to me. Not sure why... I'll swim in it, dance in the rain, I love the feeling of it... but to drink it!? GROSS! But I am, ladies and more ladies... I gots me a water bottle, and I'm drinking more water than I have in years. I slowly feel my kidneys screaming in relief.

I would love to tell you what my weight is, but every time I walk into the bathroom... I feel like I'm in a horror film, and I am avoiding the scale at all costs. I'm afraid I'm going to step on it, and turn homicidal. Blood and gore everywhere, total slasher hell. I hear that awful horror flick music in the bathroom, even when I take a piss! So no, not today folks. Maybe when my period is over...

Onto my exercise regimen. Dancing to Pink LMFAO. Hey, it's a start, right? I broke a sweat last night! I go nuts to the tune "Funhouse"... maybe tonight I'll actually do an exercise regimen!

Not.

Aunt Flo! I missed you!

Period has FINALLY arrived. Looking forward to a scale that is truthful and loving in about 3-4 days.... And if it isn't? I'm throwing the bitch out into the burn pit and scorching it in a ritual weight loss sacrifice. Then i'll pull it's charred remains out of the fire, stab them with a kitchen knife, then throw them into a burlap bag and toss them off a bridge.

Oh Yes. Yes I will.

Telegram to my period...

Period due any day now. Stop.

Bloating has set in. Stop.

Water retention is at an all time high. Stop.

Scale is not cooperating. Stop.

S.O.S! Stop.

I WANT MY PERIOD. Stop.

FUCK YOU SCALE! Stop.

I really need to. Stop. Eating.

BEST FUCKING NEW SNACK EVER.

BULLETIN: BREAKING UP A BLUEBERRY SPECIAL K BAR (90 calories) INTO A FAT FREE BLUEBERRY YOGURT (90 calories) IS FUCKING DIVINE.

end transmission.

May 10th, 2011

8 days in. My stomach has finally adjusted to the new food intake, no more of those stabbing hunger pains. I feel so bad for those starving Namibian kids in Africa. MAN. That shits hard to live with. I've been getting upper backaches too with all of this, that seem to correlate to the hunger pains. WTF is up with that? I have some funkadelic body, intent on sending shocking pains and exhaustion into my abdomen. All the while, my body doesn't realize I'm trying to HELP. I can positively say though, that I'm mostly comfortable right now, and in a good place when it comes to food. I'm able to resist, think twice, and even say I DON'T WANT THAT. My mindset is changing to the diet, which is great. That's what helped me lose so much weight years ago!

Anyway, stepped on the scale this morning... more progress! 198! FUCKIN' A! Two more pounds until Saturday. Can I get a HELL YEAH?!

1.9.8.

1 week in....

Take two! I'm back! With a new blog, a fresh feel... and a shitload of poundage to lose!

Current weight: (ugh... do I have to say?) Alright, fucking FINE. 199 lbs.

Goal weight? 145. But I'm realistic. It'll probably never happen. So a fair compromise is 155.
Why is my site the skinny sex robot? Well, my friends will understand. And laugh.

How am I doing it? Reducing calories to 1200 a day. Trying to exercise, but hard to find the time. That is the minimal I will go. I'm pathetic... I use prepackaged everything with the calories already on them to count. Fuck trying to figure out what 1/2 a pound of chicken breast is. Lean Cuisine, Fiber one bars, and anything else that's low calorie and quick to eat. I'm still an avid diet pepsi whore for my previous readers. I refuse to give that up at all cost, and might become homicidal if told to. I'm eating every 3 hours on the dot, ooops, it's time again, 2:58... let me grab some of that oh so yummy fat free blueberry yogurt. GAG. I try not to eat after 8pm, but I'm up late at times... it's hard. But at least a 90 calorie Special K bar gets me thru if I need to. I type my calories into my computer's notepad, and keep track all day. If I need to leave the house? I grab a couple snacks, apple, whatever.

Why am I doing this publicly? To SHAME myself. Plain and fucking simple. My fat ass has been too fat for too long, and I long for those size 10 jeans I used to wear. I long for the sexier clothes, instead of my raggy old navy sweatpants and size XL shirts I wear to hide my bodaciously unappealing bod. My tits sag, BADLY. I feel like, when I bend over, I have two flesh colored bowling pins hanging off my body, banging eachother back and forth like pendulums. TICK.... TOCK..... and the backs of my legs and ass look like I've been assaulted with a bag of nickels.

I swear, I can't make this stuff up. It's who I am, not who I want to be.

I guess, to put it in one word: CHANGE. Oh, yeah, and because in about 11 weeks, I'm going to be at a BBQ with a shit ton of army guys and I don't want to feel ugly. I want to feel attractive... like I used to :( I also want to actually enter my swimming pool without sweatpants and a black tank top on to cover my latest guilty indulgence into cheesecake insanity. I know I can do it... but I might just kill my husband in the process. He's a dick with no concept of how hard this is, and doesn't think twice before eating anything and everything in sight to mock my pains.

I want to lose 3 pds a week until I get to the BBQ.

Not going to be easy. My goals are as follows:

By May 14th- 196

By May 28th- 190

June 11th- 184

June 25th- 178

July 9th- 172

THEN THE BBQ. Sigh. I hope I don't plateau, that's a bitch.

After this? I'll set a new goal plan. I usually lose weight quickly in the beginning, then around low 170's I plateau. Then I can recalculate a new goal from there.

I like these apple cider vinegar pills with green tea; I can't say they actually HELP me lose weight, but they remind me to drink water. I fucking HATE water. HATE IT. Unless I can swim in it, I don't WANT it. These pills have always helped, so I'm hoping they help again.

Who's with me!?? (crickets chirping)

...................

No one wants to diet with me?

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*TAP*TAP*TAP* is this thing ON?!

...............................................

Well. Pffft. Fuck you ALL.

I WANNA BE A SKINNY SEX ROBOT!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF